submerged
Balancing has never been my best act. As my job indulges my intellectual interests more and more (thank goodness for superiors who actually listen!) and steers clear of the mundane as much as publishing three grades in two years will allow, I find myself in continuous awe of academics. Basically, every hour of my day minus sleeping and eating should be devoted to reading and studying if I want to accomplish everything I've successfully started. Starting is always successful, in my view. Finishing, sometimes can be, but that is never expected. There's always that possibility of failure, but you can at least start, right?
This attitude has brought me to the realization I came to rather calmly this morning, when I rose at six to study at seven, class at eight, work by ten. My current schedule will not produce satisfactory academic success. The two hours of exercise and one to two hours of "nap time" that I've recently incorporated into my day (making me a nicer and healthier person) must go if I am to read an hour of French phonetics each week, finish the linguist's take on beginning spelling, take notes on four chapters of syntax, rewrite and reorganize my last assignment, compose seven decodable stories from a limited word list (this is the one of the hardest things one can ever do), coordinate worksheets and art manifests and readers and lesson plans, contract freelancers to begin work on grade 1, brainstorm and create ways for children to practice writing numbers that are not goofy; this is not to mention things I want to do.
Yes, this is me expelling.
My biggest problem is that I am young. Shouldn't I be out drinking and socializing, traveling and conversing, diving in dumpsters and jumping onto trains? Where's the balance? Can I live my life and still prerequisite my life?
I'm wondering where my revolution fits in all of this. Instead I'll end up publishing theories on revolution, criticizing the man while profiting from the elitist status provided to me by the man.
And I'm not a man. I'm a woman. So basically anything I do in this patriarchal society is betraying my hard-fought sense of self.
But I remain calm and continue to create a list of linguists whose work I'd like to peruse.
Am I defeated already?
This attitude has brought me to the realization I came to rather calmly this morning, when I rose at six to study at seven, class at eight, work by ten. My current schedule will not produce satisfactory academic success. The two hours of exercise and one to two hours of "nap time" that I've recently incorporated into my day (making me a nicer and healthier person) must go if I am to read an hour of French phonetics each week, finish the linguist's take on beginning spelling, take notes on four chapters of syntax, rewrite and reorganize my last assignment, compose seven decodable stories from a limited word list (this is the one of the hardest things one can ever do), coordinate worksheets and art manifests and readers and lesson plans, contract freelancers to begin work on grade 1, brainstorm and create ways for children to practice writing numbers that are not goofy; this is not to mention things I want to do.
Yes, this is me expelling.
My biggest problem is that I am young. Shouldn't I be out drinking and socializing, traveling and conversing, diving in dumpsters and jumping onto trains? Where's the balance? Can I live my life and still prerequisite my life?
I'm wondering where my revolution fits in all of this. Instead I'll end up publishing theories on revolution, criticizing the man while profiting from the elitist status provided to me by the man.
And I'm not a man. I'm a woman. So basically anything I do in this patriarchal society is betraying my hard-fought sense of self.
But I remain calm and continue to create a list of linguists whose work I'd like to peruse.
Am I defeated already?
posted by eekbeat | 7:51 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home